I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we're so committed to being not committed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
