I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
