you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
