As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
