i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
