I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
