we have pet lesbian snakes
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is wine microwaveable?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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