Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
