The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
