I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
