Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
