Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
