I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
