rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just googled if crying burns calories
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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