she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
