last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
