if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
