Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
