I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize