I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
