I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is wine microwaveable?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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