I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize