the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
