I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
