she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
