i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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