if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
