she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
