is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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