How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
