I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
barbara walters just said penis...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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