If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
