I feel like abortions should bother me more
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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