Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
