note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize