I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
