alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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