She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
