She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
