Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dick very happy bro
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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