That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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