you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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