He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
