just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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