im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
