Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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