nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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