meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
