She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
