weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
