in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
