i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
