At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
