dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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