doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
