you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
