broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the room spins SO much faster in panama
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
