What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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