Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
