Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
