did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
