dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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