Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
